The Last Ride
by Eric J. Krause
The latest text message pushed him over the edge. "Danny cussed out his teacher. Probably suspended." He wondered if Julia had been chuckling when she sent it. No doubt she blamed the teacher. Lord knows Danny never did anything wrong. It seemed the only time the two of them talked anymore was when they argued about their delinquent son.
"Mind if I sit, pal?"
Brad blinked and looked up from his phone. The bus had just picked up a few more passengers and not many seats were left. He slid to the window and smiled at the man in shabby business casual clothes. "Yeah, yeah, sorry. Off in my own little world."
"Thanks." Luckily that appeared to be the end of it. Nothing made a bus trip more intolerable than having to make small talk with a stranger.
Half-a-dozen more stops. Knowing traffic--and a quick glance around at the gridlock proved he did--it'd be another fifteen to twenty minutes. He turned his attention back to the phone and mulled over his reply. Anything he typed would be wrong. He needed to find something that would lead to quiet hostility rather than an out-and-out fight the second he stepped in the door. Inspiration did not strike.
Brad watched the next stop come and go. His palms broke out in sweat at the thought that there was one less buffer between him and home. He gripped his phone tight in anticipation of another text, this one wondering why he hadn't responded.
"This is stupid," he said, drawing a look from the big lout next to him. He readied an explanation, but the guy turned back to his sports page without a word. He looked around, saw no one paid him any mind, and shut off his phone, an action Julia deemed sacrilege.
As they made the next three stops, he fingered the power button, but willed himself not to push it. As they neared the stop before his, he almost cheered when someone pulled the cord.
"Why am I doing this to myself?" he said to the guy next to him.
"Don't know, pal." He didn't look up.
Brad laughed. It was so clear now. When the bus pulled away from the curb, he didn't reach up and mark the next stop. He used to have a life that didn't involve Julia and Danny, so why couldn't he have that again?
About a block from his stop, Brad sighed and pulled the cord. He couldn't start a new existence out of the blue. He didn't have the connections to disappear. When the bus stopped, he got off and headed for home.
There were other ways to vanish from life.
A could-have-been. How many of us have had these thoughts at some point in life? Remarkable work. The dialogue--crisp, realistic. You rock my world Eric.
ReplyDeleteGreat work, Eric
ReplyDeleteA very real character, and I was right there with him on the bus.
Great work. You could almost feel the knot in his stomach as he counted down the stops. I love the way you left things at the end.
ReplyDeletegood take on what whirls thru the minds of all the blackberry watchers..
ReplyDeleteGreat piece, Eric. I'd imagine we've all been there at some point. You made his struggling decisions very real.
ReplyDeleteVery good story, Eric!
ReplyDeleteLoved how Brad was relieved that seatmate wasn't going to make him engage in small talk...and then HE was the way trying to talk to the big lout!
Ah, living the life of "quiet hostility.."
Sad, and true, I'm sure.
Well done.
A great bit of characterization. This would make an outstanding character introduction to a longer work as well as standing on its own merit. Excellent job, Eric!
ReplyDeleteEric, you've captured a sad reality here quite well. The poor guy - I was on the verge of hoping he wouldn't get off the bus.
ReplyDeleteGreat story!
What a wonderful snapshot into the mind of a frustrated husband and father!
ReplyDeleteA great believable character, good stuff
ReplyDeleteKind of a serious 'Al Bundy' type story...the guy who dreads going home. Nicely written.
ReplyDeleteI felt his pain. Super stuff here. More, please? Peace, Linda
ReplyDeleteGreat little idea. If only changing your life was as easy as getting off at a different stop.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you've ended this one. Great work
ReplyDeleteThank you all for the great comments. I'm glad you enjoyed my story.
ReplyDelete