Thursday, February 18, 2010

#fridayflash--Little Ghost

Little Ghost
by Eric J. Krause

Little Lisa zipped down the stairs, a white sheet draped over her entire body. Jenna sighed and hoped she hadn't cut eye holes in it. The only white sheets in the linen closet were the expensive Egyptian cotton ones. Why couldn't she have decided to be a pink ghost? Those sheets were from the discount bin at some department store.

"Boo, Mommy!"

"Wow, you sure are a scary little ghost." Thank goodness. No eye holes.

"Yeah, we both are."

Both? Since when did Lisa get an imaginary friend? "Who are you playing with, sweetie?"

Lisa's head tilted to the side, and if Jenna could see her face, it'd probably be scrunched up in concentration. "I don't know her name."

Jenna suppressed a chuckle. That was her daughter. An imaginary friend, maybe, but not a whole lot of imagination behind it. "Make sure you're careful with that sheet."

"Yes, Mommy."

Lisa ran back upstairs, and Jenna forgot all about it. Lisa always behaved so well that there was no doubt the sheet would be fine. In fact, she'd probably be playing something else soon enough.

That's why, a half-hour later, Jenna was shocked when she saw something small and white streak by in her peripheral vision. Damn it, that sheet had to be getting wrecked by now, no matter how careful Lisa was.

Jenna searched all around downstairs, but couldn't find her daughter. Strange. There hadn't been enough time for her to get back to the stairs. Jenna would have seen.

"Sweetie?" she called up the stairs. "Where are you?"

Lisa's voice came from her room. "In here, Mommy."

As Jenna reached the second floor, she saw the sheet folded next to the linen closet. There was no way she'd have had time to race upstairs and do that. Though Jenna would need to refold it properly, it was a pretty good job for a four-year-old.

She stuck her head into Lisa's room and found her having a tea party with two of her stuffed animals. "Were they playing ghosts with you earlier?"

Lisa gave Jenna a look like she was insane. "No, that was my new friend." She pointed to her bedroom door, and a small figure walked past in the hall. Jenna's blood ran cold, and all the hair on her arms stood up.

"Who was that?"

"My new friend. She didn't want to tell me her name. She's very sad. She can't find her mommy."

Jenna darted into the hallway, but there was no sign of this mystery girl. She ducked her head into each room, but no luck. The little girl, whatever she was, had disappeared.

"She likes to go into your sewing room. That's where she last saw her mommy."

Jenna looked over at that closed door. The little girl couldn't be in there. The door's hinges squeaked pretty loud when it opened or closed, and she hadn't heard anything. Why, then, was her arm shaking as she reached for the doorknob?

The door bellowed out a long, drawn-out screech as she pushed it open. Her breath streamed out in clouds as she stepped inside. Damn, it was cold enough to chill Jell-O in there. A quick glance around didn't turn up any strange girl. Before she could turn her attention to the frigid air, a strange voice, which she wasn't sure if was real or in her head, assaulted her.

"Mommy, Mommy. Where's my mommy? Mommy, Mommy. Where's my mommy?" Over and over again.

Jenna turned and found a little girl, glowing white, standing in the corner. The girl looked up at her with dead, glazed over eyes, and Jenna lost it. She let out an ear-splitting scream, which caused Lisa to run sobbing from the room. She wanted to chase after her baby girl, but her legs wouldn't obey. She couldn't tear herself away from the dead girl's stare.

"Mommy, Mommy. Where's my mommy?"

The girl stepped forward and spread out her arms. Jenna wanted nothing more than to get out of there and never come back, but her feet might as well have been nailed to the floor. When the ghost girl's arms touched her, they were so cold they actually burned. The girl embraced her, and the room spun and went black.

Almost immediately, everything stopped. The room had a dingy gray film over everything. She looked down and saw her body lying on the floor, an unearthly grimace etched on her face. The little girl, now more real than anything else in the room, smiled up at her. "You're my mommy now?"

Jenna thought about it for a second. She already had a little girl who called her mommy. Didn't she? Lisa? Lila? No, she was remembering wrong. She smiled down at this little girl, her little girl, and nodded.

"Of course, sweetie. I'm your mommy."

23 comments:

  1. Yikes! That's a twist and a half. You did a nice job on creating the atmosphere and the chill.

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  2. Haunting.

    I loved how you wrote this. My favourite sentence was: "The door bellowed out a long, drawn-out screech as she pushed it open." Your description reflects the Jenna's emotion.

    I would have preferred the story to have kept the mystery, rather than the twist at the end. My question is: why didn't Lisa turn into a ghost too? Or did she?

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  3. Oh dear. She died. Or did she? The gray film threw me off. What happened?

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  4. Brrrr. I can feel that cold chill. Great job on this one.

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  5. Interesting that you described this on Twitter as a tearjerker. It didn't feel like that at all. It's not sad in the ways I understand to make people cry, but rather threatening in its sadness. The mother losing her identity, having it warped by whatever is going on (likely whatever the child is doing to her) is horrible in an awe-striking way.

    As for thebokchoy's question, I thought it meant the mother had been dragged into the ghost-girl's plane.

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  6. Love a good ghost story! Lisa should have gone with her, too. Or would that be too dark?

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  7. I usually wait until Monday or so to chime in and thank everyone for reading, but I think I should do so early this week. First off, thank you for reading, and I'm glad you all seemed to enjoy the story. Second, I guess I need to explain a bit--maybe I should have put a bit more polish into this one, for which I apologize. My intent was to show the little girl ghost killing Jenna, who in her death forgot about Lisa and the rest of her life to focus on being this girl's new mom. I tried to show this by having her see the room in a dingy gray film, as well as having her see her body lying on the ground.

    As John pointed out, I did say yesterday on twitter that this had the potential to be a tearjerker if I did it right, but if not, at least you get a ghost story. Sounds like I failed on the first part, but did okay on the second. Can't win 'em all, so I'll just be pleased that the piece is at least not leaving bad tastes in your mouths. ;-) Thanks again for the comments everyone. I really do appreciate them!

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  8. WHY WHY WHY did I read this just before I'm going to bed? why? The hair on the back of my neck is still standing up.

    I felt the cold too. Loved the build up.

    Great flash.
    :0)

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  9. I got it exactly as you explained in your comment. The ghost girl killed Jenna, who forgot about her world and became "Mommy". Chilling and scary!

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  10. Great job on capturing the cold. Unique way of putting it. The mom...aww I feel sorry for her. Poor kids all the way around.

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  11. My reaction was mommy taken into ghost girl's plane, which could be seen as death from the other plane, but from mommy-view not necessarily a death. Could also be a soul ripping. In the end, doesn't matter that much as the story from mommy POV works. No tears, a fun spooky story.

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  12. Wow! What is UP with little girls this week? That's at least four flashes I've read involving little girls, most of whom have "issues."
    Good story, Eric, but next time there's a memo about what to write about on FF, send me a copy, K?
    (Geez, nobody tells me anything....)

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  13. Eric, I got the ending and it was a great chilling tale! Great suspense and I liked the double twists!

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  14. Yes, the ending was clear to me and it did make me shudder to think that one little girl "found" a mommy and another one lost her own.

    Didn't cry though. Just enjoyed the spookiness of it.

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  15. I too read it as you intended it, Eric.
    Very much liked the touch of the mother forgetting her life/daughter in the other place.

    I am sad for Lisa of course, who will now be a living ghost loooking for her mommy

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  16. Joining those of the ethereal to be a foster mom is a different spin on ghosts.

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  17. And the moral of the story is: move house when your daughter starts saying there's a ghost in your sewing room. I used to have one of those, glad I don't any more, I would be able to use it after this!

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  18. The sadness is in the story itself, but not in the telling of it. I don't know if that helps you, but you've got a very creepy ghost story here.

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  19. Thank you all for the great comments on this one. I'm glad it turned out to be a good, creepy ghost story.

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  20. Hi Eric, I understood the ending, too. I thought it was an interesting story, well-written, good pacing, and I thought it was a very haunting finale. Nice job! ~ Olivia

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  21. Hope I'm not too late for the parade...great job, Eric on a truely spooky story!

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