The Security Guard
by Eric J. Krause
Why did this shit always happen after midnight? Garcia never had to deal with this crap. Todd reached for the distress button, but paused. Maybe it was just a drifter looking for a warm, dry place to bed down during the thunderstorm. Since the craze of super villains in trashy trench coats started, it was hard to tell them apart from the bums.
Last time he'd alerted the Hero Department, it turned out to be a simple vagrant. Luckily one of the level-headed ones answered the call, and no one had been hurt. As the masked man--Super Stud? Marvelous Man? Hell, he couldn't keep these guys straight--left, he'd admonished Todd, telling him his building had security sensors for a reason, and it wasn't to call heroes to give homeless guys the bum's rush. He'd felt dumb for a week, and thanked his lucky stars every night no one else had been here.
Tonight he wouldn't foul up. He watched the trench coat man stumble about in the huge lobby. Yup. Good call. Not a super villain, but a drunk. Todd grabbed a stun gun and his heavy-duty flashlight and headed downstairs. Hopefully this'd be an easy one and he could shuffle the guy outside. But, Christ, how had he gotten in? None of the perimeter alarms had sounded.
He reached the lobby floor and just about crapped himself. That wasn't some random bum, but an honest to god super villain. (Killbot McGee? The Masked Bandit? Dammit he was bad with names!) Todd turned to bolt back upstairs, but the villain spotted him before he could get away.
"Stop right there or I'll blast you. No one gets away from the Masked Bandit that easily."
Hey, the Masked Bandit. He'd gotten it in just two guesses. Though he doubted that would get him out of this jam.
"Which one did you call? Which mask is coming to thwart me?"
Todd shook his head. "I . . . I didn't call anyone. I was about to go back up and do that."
"Don't you lie to me!" The Masked Bandit pulled out a huge handgun, one that looked like it shot missiles instead of bullets, and shoved it in his face. The barrel was as big as his head.
Todd took a deep breath. "I'm not lying, I swear. I didn't call anyone."
The Masked Bandit lowered his oversized gun. "Yeah, right, like I believe that. You're just trying to buy time. So who was it? The Jailer? Wendell the Wonderkid? Corporal Awesome and the Awesome Brigade?" He turned and gazed out to the street. "Yeah, you probably realized you needed a whole team to deal with me."
"Or not." Todd pointed the stun gun, and before the Masked Bandit could react, shot him full of volts. The super villain flopped around for a few seconds, and then fell to the ground, unconscious.
He grabbed his cell phone and dialed 9-1-1. Maybe this superhero gig wasn't so tough. Maybe he could go vigilante. But who would he be? Captain Stun Gun? The Stunning Avenger?
Nah. He already had a gig to be proud of. He was . . . The Security Guard.